It has been weeks since I've posted. Quick recap/summary of excuses: Numero Uno--my birthday! Not my favorite birthday ever, but I survived it. Why not my favorite? I presented at a conference on my very day of birth. Second, I started teaching my very first university class. It's a block class (so only six weeks) but the class involves a field trip (which we just went on this week). Third, I got really, really sick. I don't have a clue what I had, but I couldn't eat ANYTHING without wishing for death.
But all of that is done and gone. I am healthy and field-trip free--though next up is my thesis defense and article submission. Not to mention graduation (but that's a good kind of stress). And in other news, I'm running again! I've cut back to three days a week only, and I'm slowly building my mileage back up (trying to avoid any overuse injuries) but I am running!
This morning for example, I headed up Provo Canyon for a quick out-and-back four miler and it felt so good. Even the uphill parts felt good. On the way back with one mile to go, I picked up two runners right behind me. I'm not typically a competitive runner. When I'm racing, I'm not one to push myself based on anyone else around me. And that has often meant I don't push myself as hard as I could. But today, for some reason, I decided I was not going to let those runners pass me. I pushed, and my lungs and legs burned, but I did it. I stayed ahead of them the entire way until I got back to my car.
I reflected on why I don't do that more, set goals like staying ahead of other runners while I'm in a race. And I realized it's a fear of failure. If I pretend not to care about where I end up in a race, then it means I never fail. If I don't care, then it doesn't matter who passes me or how many times I get passed. But today, it mattered and I worked for my place. And I may or may not have celebrated with a hot chocolate at Border's afterward. Recovery, right? :)